Instructions Before Reading

I stand by the right to publish incomplete snippets. The point of this blog is to share life. If there is a unity in my life, it will become apparent what that unity is. No post is a complete thought, theology, worldview, or poem within itself, it must be taken within the context of the entirety of this blog, considerations of who I am in public as well as who I am in extreme situations like when I am forced to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to help my wife jump start her car in 20 degree weather.

I recognize my right as a flawed human being to do the following: 1) be wrong, 2) change my mind, 3) be inconsistent, 4) have improper grammar and spelling conventions. You are just as flawed, wrong, capricious, and prone to theological alteration as I am... so get over it.

Why does this have to be so ridiculously difficult?


Good gravy, good meat, good Lord, lets eat. Ah yes the topic of prayer. What is it? What is the point? Does it work? James 5:16 says that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Ok don't start playing games 'am I righteous?' 'am I really saved?' A quick answer is, if you are seeking Jesus Christ (as imperfectly as that may be) prayer is something to be practiced, and I do believe is vastly powerful. But in what way?Ok so it works; but how?
Well frankly I don't know. I've seen some pretty big (and abnormal) answers to prayer in my life. I've also seen a lot of prayers seem to hit the ceiling. Was I doing something wrong? Was I saying things wrong? Was I not humble enough? Did I not spend enough time in prayer about that thing? Once again all questions I don't have complete answers to.
Let me tell you what my prayer life has been like lately. I have been spending more time 'trying' to pray in the last two months than I have ever spent before. Alot of my prayer has been an hour at a time. Now before you think, holy cow that guy is so pious! Don't. Oh if you knew the things I deal with in my heart.Ok moving on. (If you want to talk about all the things I'm doing absolutely WRONG in my life, just ask. Maybe I could do a post on that).
Here's a breakdown of my hour of prayer.1 p.m. - enter into designated prayer area.Turn off the lights, light a candle and try to calm myself down. The candle doesn't make me holier, in fact it just gives enough light to keep me from falling asleep or closing my eyes and letting it wander. Having the lights off keeps me from getting distracted by something in the room. Basically it's just to keep me from going A.D.D. on God.

1:05 p.m. -trying to figure out what to pray. Do I pray for friends, do I confess sin, do I pray for the church. At this point my brain explodes and I tell God this is too confusing.

1:23 p.m. -after tossing around the point of prayer in my mind. "God knows everything, is more powerful, and cares more than I do. Why pray?" I finally just try it out. Kind of like the wanna be rockstar who can't even play a c-chord. It seems embarrasing and awkward. I continue to pluck away at my pathetic c-chord.

1:35 p.m. -about this time I get ridiculously frustrated and maybe even yell at God. I ask him why this has to be so difficult. Why can't He just do all those things I'm praying for, like calling my friends to Him? I mumble around about the point of prayer. I also point out to God that this is boring.

1:37 p.m. -like a small sliver of beaming light something actually reaches my heart. I think of a friend, or a family member, or one of you guys. Maybe it's a country, maybe a missionary. Something actually gets through and I pray as if there's no tomorrow, I get a small glimpse into God's heart and how He feels about the situation, I feel like finally my prayers are getting somewhere. This usually (if it happens at all) lasts for about 35 seconds, and like sucking in helium I try to bleed every ounce of high happy vocalige out of my lungs; but I know it's in vain.

1:45 p.m. -now I'm really getting bored. Today's 35 seconds of prayer was really impacting.... when it happened. Now I feel like I'm in an empty dark room again, just me and that dang candle. I ask God why He has to make this so difficult. I remind Him that I'm bored.

1:50 p.m. -a few more prayers have squeaked out, but nothing that 'feels' like I'm really doing something. I finaly cave and look at the clock on my phone. "Ten minutes left.... close enough." I ask God to forgive my wandering heart and mind and I exit the dark room.

I think for the first time in my life I'm actually praying. God knows our limitations and weaknesses. I may not say much in that hour, but as I just struggle to relate to Him... I'm struggling to relate to Him. That's what He wants, that is the core of prayer: communicating with Him. It's not easy, it's not all that exciting, but it is absolutely vital to growing closer to Him.

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