I am tormented by insecurity. Usually I'm overcome with a feeling of incompetence. Issues range from finances, to a reading assignment for school have the ability to shut me down emotionally, sometimes for an entire afternoon.
Unfortunately this usually happens to me when I write or make music. If something isn't going well I tend to shut down emotionally, I try to disconnect myself from whatever I'm working on, so if it doesn't turn out well I don't have to experience the pain of creating something not worth reading or listening to.
I wrote my wife a poem today, I'm pretty pleased with it, and knowing my wife I'm sure she'll love it, but there are another thirty or so poems I yelled at, threw away, or spit on.
I have to keep moving, keep writing, keep making music, knowing that somewhere in that struggle toward something is something worthwhile.
Instructions Before Reading
I stand by the right to publish incomplete snippets. The point of this blog is to share life. If there is a unity in my life, it will become apparent what that unity is. No post is a complete thought, theology, worldview, or poem within itself, it must be taken within the context of the entirety of this blog, considerations of who I am in public as well as who I am in extreme situations like when I am forced to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to help my wife jump start her car in 20 degree weather.
I recognize my right as a flawed human being to do the following: 1) be wrong, 2) change my mind, 3) be inconsistent, 4) have improper grammar and spelling conventions. You are just as flawed, wrong, capricious, and prone to theological alteration as I am... so get over it.
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