When I drink water, when I eat food; sometimes it doesn't satisfy. I'm still hungry or still thirsty for more. I scoff at the nutritious food that was supposed to supply my body with energy. I expect some magical property to kick in as soon as the food hit's my tongue. I'm ridiculously impatient. What I want should happen, and it should happen now. Unfortunately, the food has to be prepared by the stomach to move through the intestines where all the nutrients are pulled from it. After that the nutrients are put into my blood system and transported all over my body to the organs and muscles that need it. It's a beautiful miracle; but still a continual process.
I heard from a friend that by the time you feel thirsty you're already dehydrated. Sometimes I wish I could eat a huge meal that would last me for a week, so I wouldn't have to worry about eating. It doesn't work that way. I get hungry, I get weak, I get thirsty. I get this way because I don't eat or don't drink; and since I've depleted my system I have to wait for the process to carry the nutrients to my extremities.
We have a spiritual digestive system. I want a now and right now type of God. Unfortunately for my spoiled selfish attitude it doesn't work that way... it's a process. Jesus said "Whoever drinks of the water I give him will never thirst again." I hate phrases like "We are hungry, we are hungry, we are hungry for more of you." We are spiritually gluttonous, why can't we simply abide in Him; feed daily on his word, drink daily from his well? A child does not grow because he strains to do so, he eats, he drinks, he plays, he learns, as a result he grows.
We had a little prayer meeting at the house this morning. It was only a couple days in advance, and it's the holiday weekend so people are out of town. There were just four of us. It was frustrating. I'm spiritually dehydrated. I haven't been drinking from the well, so I'm thirsty. So we spend two hours in prayer and the whole time I'm just frustrated, wondering what the hell I'm doing. I feel stupid, I feel nothing, and God apparently does not want to listen. I'm expecting the water to make me feel healthy and nourished as soon as it hits my tongue. Everyone leaves, I call my girlfriend and rant to her about how God apparently does not like to be near to me, I go get some literal water from the faucet cause I have a headache from physical dehydration.
Rich Mullins is playing on the computer "If I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through, and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you." I start to feel the effects of the process, I feel peace, love, strength in my spiritual bones. The gallons of water I had been chugging are finally making their way to the thirsty spiritual muscles and organs.
The first three months I was here in Goshen I was doing pretty good about praying... alot (at least for me); I was spending an hour a day, three or four times a week, in prayer. The prayer was always frustrating, boring, difficult; half the time was spent saying "God this is boring. Where are you?" The first week was annoying and difficult, and I felt like it didn't matter; but then another week went by, and another, and another. I felt life growing inside of me, a deep strength, a desire for righteousness. The times of prayer were still frustrating, annoying, and generally boring. I had to be in a dark room so that I wouldn't get distracted; but with a candle lit so I wouldn't let my mind wander in the darkness. I stopped cause I got distracted, the next three months were pretty rough spiritually, I was dehydrated.
I need to drink deep, and drink daily; not only when I am thirsty. I must be patient, it takes time for life to infuse dead bones.
Drink deep from the river, and drink daily.
The need my not be urgent, and there may be the assurance of water all round.
But what is the use of the running stream if we don't drink from it.
It is beautiful to look at, it is pleasant to hear.
But if it simply flows by, the observer will whither and die.
Drink deep from the water, and drink daily.
Drink before you thirst, drink even when it seems impractical or repetitions, commonplace even.
The water is life.
The "Cost" of Discipleship: Doing the Math
I want to begin with a disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A RANT AGAINST STARBUCKS. If you feel like I'm doing that, then you miss the point.
I honestly don't know much about Starbucks, though I've heard they strive (or at least advertise to) to give fair prices to coffee growers around the world. Once again, this has nothing to do with that. Though their new campaign has sparked my thoughts today.
I honestly don't know much about Starbucks, though I've heard they strive (or at least advertise to) to give fair prices to coffee growers around the world. Once again, this has nothing to do with that. Though their new campaign has sparked my thoughts today.
Join us as we count down to the launch of (STARBUCKS) RED. Starting November 27, every time you buy a special (STARBUCKS) RED product, a contribution will be made to the Global Fund, to help save lives in Africa. It’s all part of our commitment to give back to the communities where we do business, which is a key component of Starbucks™ Shared Planet™.
The above paragraph is from the Starbucks website. Sounds like a good deal. I'm glad their being generous with a part of their profits. Why again does this make me upset?
I first heard about this little event when it popped up as a Facebook event. 65,000 were attending so far according to the event page. I did a little math. Starbucks is giving 5 cents per hand made drink to the Global Fund. Multiply that by the 65,000 or so Facebookers attending and you get around $3250. Wow, what a noble thing! We gave all that money to help sick, starving, uneducated people in Africa!
What if those 65,000 people gave up their coffee for a day and gave that money directly to the Global Fund themselves (For Canadians: only go to Tim Horton's two times a day instead of six)? Assuming that the American people are very thrifty right now because of the downturn I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say $3 a drink.
I first heard about this little event when it popped up as a Facebook event. 65,000 were attending so far according to the event page. I did a little math. Starbucks is giving 5 cents per hand made drink to the Global Fund. Multiply that by the 65,000 or so Facebookers attending and you get around $3250. Wow, what a noble thing! We gave all that money to help sick, starving, uneducated people in Africa!
What if those 65,000 people gave up their coffee for a day and gave that money directly to the Global Fund themselves (For Canadians: only go to Tim Horton's two times a day instead of six)? Assuming that the American people are very thrifty right now because of the downturn I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say $3 a drink.
65,000
x $3
--------------
$195,000
x $3
--------------
$195,000
Let's do some more math. Let's say 65,000 people who regularly attend Starbucks gave up their custom drink twice a month and sent the money to Global Fund.
(The daily total for 65,000 people skipping out on a $3 drink) $195,000
(The number of days a month they gave up drinks) x 2
--------------
$390,000
Let's get the yearly average now
$390,000
x 12
--------------
$4,680,000
(The number of days a month they gave up drinks) x 2
--------------
$390,000
Let's get the yearly average now
$390,000
x 12
--------------
$4,680,000
In Summary. If 65,000 people gave up their drink twice a month from Starbucks or otherwise, and repeated the process for a year they would collectively give $4,680,000.
Let's say that money heads out to Sierra Leone, one of the poorer countries in Africa. Just to put it into perspective the average yearly wage there is $140 per person, so our funds from giving up two drinks per month is roughly the equivalent of the yearly wages of 33,500 people. There's a lot of need and a lot of good that money could do.
The point of this is not at all to bash Starbucks, and it's not to do fundraising for Global Fund. This is about the body of Christ in North America that has so much wealth. Our heavenly Father said "Never cease to be generous, for the poor will always be among you." My prayer of the church, for myself, is that we would go beyond just sacrificing a couple drinks a month, which in the end is just as cute and 'sacrificial' as buying a drink that donates 5 cents. Let us give out of our need
"God loves a cheerful giver" has become trite, a little song we learned in Sunday school. Father give us a vision of your generous heart. Cure me of my gluttony, teach me to use my resources frugally on myself; but lavishly on those who have need. Give me the heart of Jesus who gave it all, who had "no place to rest his head."
Let's say that money heads out to Sierra Leone, one of the poorer countries in Africa. Just to put it into perspective the average yearly wage there is $140 per person, so our funds from giving up two drinks per month is roughly the equivalent of the yearly wages of 33,500 people. There's a lot of need and a lot of good that money could do.
The point of this is not at all to bash Starbucks, and it's not to do fundraising for Global Fund. This is about the body of Christ in North America that has so much wealth. Our heavenly Father said "Never cease to be generous, for the poor will always be among you." My prayer of the church, for myself, is that we would go beyond just sacrificing a couple drinks a month, which in the end is just as cute and 'sacrificial' as buying a drink that donates 5 cents. Let us give out of our need
"God loves a cheerful giver" has become trite, a little song we learned in Sunday school. Father give us a vision of your generous heart. Cure me of my gluttony, teach me to use my resources frugally on myself; but lavishly on those who have need. Give me the heart of Jesus who gave it all, who had "no place to rest his head."
Giving Him All the Crap and None of the Glory... Jason and Thankfulness.
List of Thank You:
Thank you Leonard for letting me sleep on your couch for two weeks. Enjoy the Rogue Ale.
Thank you Wilbur and Shirley for a home... not just a house to sleep in. Oh, and for the flexible payment dates, and for putting up with my messiness, and getting home late, and a whole other list of things I'm sure are annoying about me.
Thank you Larry for work, for paying me way more than necessary, and for making up work when there was none left for me.
Thank you Jordan, Steph, Mindy, Kyle, all you people who gave me lots of things to laugh about and lots of things to be grateful for in the middle of some tough times.
Thank you Chris and Preston for being so gracious with the cold hard cash.
Thank you Jim and Hope for looking for jobs for me, for letting me borrow the clothes to go try to get jobs, for being motivated for me when I had none left.
Thank you Courtney for making me feel like I was still a man, and that I was still worth something, and just because I could not get a job did not mean that I was incompetent. Oh, and for the emotional wellness days. You have been an Oasis in turmoil.
So what about God? It's easy for me to complain to him, cry out to Him, wonder what He's doing when things go bad. Now that things have taken a slight upturn I wonder what's wrong with me. I have to strain to find things to be thankful for? I can easily attribute the change to people, or events. I know, He is the one orchestrating things. I'm sure when this is all over we can talk about it and He'll explain the whole thing to me, and I'll see how much He cares. I just have a hard time pinning things on God that go good cause I don't get to see what He's doing behind the scenes.
I'm going to butcher this; but there's some quote that says "You may be the only Jesus they see." Well people have been the only Jesus that I've seen. He unfortunately doesn't manifest His physical presence in the person of Jesus in my living room on a daily, yearly, decade, or century basis. He does graciously make himself known through the compassion and generosity of my friends, through acts of love, through scandalous grace that gives to a guy who commonly mishandles his finances... even in times of crisis... So my thank you's are to Him; His manifested presence in the church, his body.
Thank you Leonard for letting me sleep on your couch for two weeks. Enjoy the Rogue Ale.
Thank you Wilbur and Shirley for a home... not just a house to sleep in. Oh, and for the flexible payment dates, and for putting up with my messiness, and getting home late, and a whole other list of things I'm sure are annoying about me.
Thank you Larry for work, for paying me way more than necessary, and for making up work when there was none left for me.
Thank you Jordan, Steph, Mindy, Kyle, all you people who gave me lots of things to laugh about and lots of things to be grateful for in the middle of some tough times.
Thank you Chris and Preston for being so gracious with the cold hard cash.
Thank you Jim and Hope for looking for jobs for me, for letting me borrow the clothes to go try to get jobs, for being motivated for me when I had none left.
Thank you Courtney for making me feel like I was still a man, and that I was still worth something, and just because I could not get a job did not mean that I was incompetent. Oh, and for the emotional wellness days. You have been an Oasis in turmoil.
So what about God? It's easy for me to complain to him, cry out to Him, wonder what He's doing when things go bad. Now that things have taken a slight upturn I wonder what's wrong with me. I have to strain to find things to be thankful for? I can easily attribute the change to people, or events. I know, He is the one orchestrating things. I'm sure when this is all over we can talk about it and He'll explain the whole thing to me, and I'll see how much He cares. I just have a hard time pinning things on God that go good cause I don't get to see what He's doing behind the scenes.
I'm going to butcher this; but there's some quote that says "You may be the only Jesus they see." Well people have been the only Jesus that I've seen. He unfortunately doesn't manifest His physical presence in the person of Jesus in my living room on a daily, yearly, decade, or century basis. He does graciously make himself known through the compassion and generosity of my friends, through acts of love, through scandalous grace that gives to a guy who commonly mishandles his finances... even in times of crisis... So my thank you's are to Him; His manifested presence in the church, his body.
Bottom of the job hunt barrel.
Went into Taco Bell today. They were out of job applications.
"What are you looking to do sir?"
My response pretty much let out this well of anguish. I seriously just about burst into tears in front of the store manager. I don't usually cry which lets me know how much this is all getting to me. "Anything." It represented defeat.
I'm not much of a fighter, I'm not one of those cancer patients who goes through chemo five times then climbs everest. Heck they wouldn't even put the needle in my arm before I would say 'screw it, Jesus get the party ready, I'm comin home!'
Most of the time I'm doin pretty good. I have good friends. A wonderful girlfried... she made me Oregon Chai with cool whip in it. She made me skip class to have an emotional wellness day. I like emotional wellness day. It's sort of like when mom used to wake us up and say "mom's holiday," she'd call the school and tell them we were staying with her for the day. Anyways, Courtney's a sweetheart, definitely lots of Jesus in that girl. Sometimes... most of the time, Jesus shows himself to us through other people. In this case, Jesus is 21 years old and gorgeous.
I want to give my time to the kingdom, I want to help people. Unfortunately that usually doesn't pay; in fact it costs money sometimes.
Back to the job search thing. The whole inward collapse at Taco Bell wasn't really a suprise. I was pretty pissed off from the time that I put on my tie (supposedly wearing a tie helps you get a job, maybe my chances will go up if I wear two ties), by this point I'm really wondering why the hell I'm turning in yet another application.
Applications have become "measureable failure." I can see my failure represented by the number of applications I have turned in without even getting an interview. Oh then there's those letters that inform me that all the positions have been filled. These usually come like 2 months after you've already realized you aren't getting the job.
Yea, job searching has become pretty despairaging. I'm not one to get depressed... but this is depressing. The ridiculous thing is that I don't even worry about money, I know I'm gonna have a place to live and food to eat, I have a butload of debt over my head from stupid school and stupid unemployment, and my own stupid inability to not spend stupid money. It's just the job hunt, it's something deeper than having the necessities, it's the ability to provide for ones self. I feel more and more each day like a dirty mooch. I'll scrub toilets for crying out loud, someone just give me a job.
Wilbur and Shirly are patient. I have been prompt with my rent up till now, the first of every month... it's the tenth, they haven't said a thing about it. I think they're just being generous.
There are some really good things in life right now. Fortunately those good things don't cost money; except for the gas it takes to get to those good things. Fellowship in the body of Christ doesn't cost money, laughter doesn't cost money, affection doesn't cost money, love doesn't cost money, acceptance doesn't cost money, family doesn't cost money. Things could get a lot worse, and I'd adjust, it's just the stupid job hunting I can't stand.
I'm hoping for that Taco Bell job, I think it would be a good ministry opportunity. God cares, I know He does. There are a lot of people in my situation who stand to lose a whole lot more... and they don't even have the family of God to fall back on.
On with the job hunt.
"What are you looking to do sir?"
My response pretty much let out this well of anguish. I seriously just about burst into tears in front of the store manager. I don't usually cry which lets me know how much this is all getting to me. "Anything." It represented defeat.
I'm not much of a fighter, I'm not one of those cancer patients who goes through chemo five times then climbs everest. Heck they wouldn't even put the needle in my arm before I would say 'screw it, Jesus get the party ready, I'm comin home!'
Most of the time I'm doin pretty good. I have good friends. A wonderful girlfried... she made me Oregon Chai with cool whip in it. She made me skip class to have an emotional wellness day. I like emotional wellness day. It's sort of like when mom used to wake us up and say "mom's holiday," she'd call the school and tell them we were staying with her for the day. Anyways, Courtney's a sweetheart, definitely lots of Jesus in that girl. Sometimes... most of the time, Jesus shows himself to us through other people. In this case, Jesus is 21 years old and gorgeous.
I want to give my time to the kingdom, I want to help people. Unfortunately that usually doesn't pay; in fact it costs money sometimes.
Back to the job search thing. The whole inward collapse at Taco Bell wasn't really a suprise. I was pretty pissed off from the time that I put on my tie (supposedly wearing a tie helps you get a job, maybe my chances will go up if I wear two ties), by this point I'm really wondering why the hell I'm turning in yet another application.
Applications have become "measureable failure." I can see my failure represented by the number of applications I have turned in without even getting an interview. Oh then there's those letters that inform me that all the positions have been filled. These usually come like 2 months after you've already realized you aren't getting the job.
Yea, job searching has become pretty despairaging. I'm not one to get depressed... but this is depressing. The ridiculous thing is that I don't even worry about money, I know I'm gonna have a place to live and food to eat, I have a butload of debt over my head from stupid school and stupid unemployment, and my own stupid inability to not spend stupid money. It's just the job hunt, it's something deeper than having the necessities, it's the ability to provide for ones self. I feel more and more each day like a dirty mooch. I'll scrub toilets for crying out loud, someone just give me a job.
Wilbur and Shirly are patient. I have been prompt with my rent up till now, the first of every month... it's the tenth, they haven't said a thing about it. I think they're just being generous.
There are some really good things in life right now. Fortunately those good things don't cost money; except for the gas it takes to get to those good things. Fellowship in the body of Christ doesn't cost money, laughter doesn't cost money, affection doesn't cost money, love doesn't cost money, acceptance doesn't cost money, family doesn't cost money. Things could get a lot worse, and I'd adjust, it's just the stupid job hunting I can't stand.
I'm hoping for that Taco Bell job, I think it would be a good ministry opportunity. God cares, I know He does. There are a lot of people in my situation who stand to lose a whole lot more... and they don't even have the family of God to fall back on.
On with the job hunt.
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