We have this innate fear to be seen for what we are. I'm not sure why. At the same time we have this innate desire to be seen by the world and loved. At least I do.
I just joined up with a couple guys who were already meeting on Mondays. Basically we lay all our crap on the table. Self exposure. I think I'm gonna get a tan.
I talked with this guy at the church who is a cocaine addict. Yes he still is. According to him he will be for the rest of his life. He makes no claims of 'irrevocable recovery' he knows he's a threat to himself and to those around him. There was something beautiful about his blatant honesty. I want to be a cocaine addict.
I sort of wish every paper in the World, on the same day, published all my dirty little secrets. There would be CNN reports and Hannity and Colmes would talk about me. Probably most people would think I was a pervert or something. They'd probably also be afraid to speak up too loudly about the situation cause they'd probably be in the same boat I am.
So here's to honesty. Yay for cocaine addicts. Yay for Jesus who already knows; but still loves me.
Back to School
It feels good to start school again. Exercising the brain, exploring new ideas, growing in various skills. I like school. I know that's somewhat odd; but if it were free I'd be a lifer. It feels good not only because I'm back into education, but also because I'm in an environment I've never encountered before.
I admittedly fall in the demographic of "first time out of a Christian Education Environment." Really, that shouldn't be a reluctant admission, Christian Education did me a lot of good, I'm thankful for it. Going to Rosedale Bible College did me even more good. I'm just glad I'm finally 'in the world but not of it' (educationally in this case). Needless to say, this new environment brings a lot of new experiences and evaluations of what I have been taught already.
My gut reaction is a "me vs. them" mentality. I was really shocked and sort of disgusted that my gut reaction in class was this tense combat situation feeling. I felt like my role here as an ambassador of Christ was to make sure they knew that I was right and they were wrong. You know, uphold the truths of strong theology and all that. We'll come back to that one.
Jesus and Christianity come up pretty much daily. For better or for worse Jesus (or at least his historical existence) is everywhere. Every time I hear something about Christians, or Christian influence -just about anything that Christianity had a part in- I pretty much want to disappear. My heart beats a bit, I race for answers to questions that will probably never be asked of me. I feel like if I don't stand up and defend Christianity every time it's backed into the corner, I'm failing. We'll come back to that one as well.
I think I know everything. Don't worry, I know that's not a good thing. I have some loving patient friends who remind me of that. I'm going to have a hard time just loving people while being in an educational environment. I can get so caught up on the discussion or the idea and what I think is right that I ignore where the other person is coming from and how I can better show them Jesus (not just what I think about the Sumerian writing's impact [or lack thereof] on the Old Testament). I'd joyously just ask for humility, but I know getting there sucks; so I usually just offhandedly mention it once and a while.
I gotta go to class. I'll touch more on those other paragraphs individually at a later date.
P.S. I'm not sure I'll ever be cured of procrastination.
I admittedly fall in the demographic of "first time out of a Christian Education Environment." Really, that shouldn't be a reluctant admission, Christian Education did me a lot of good, I'm thankful for it. Going to Rosedale Bible College did me even more good. I'm just glad I'm finally 'in the world but not of it' (educationally in this case). Needless to say, this new environment brings a lot of new experiences and evaluations of what I have been taught already.
My gut reaction is a "me vs. them" mentality. I was really shocked and sort of disgusted that my gut reaction in class was this tense combat situation feeling. I felt like my role here as an ambassador of Christ was to make sure they knew that I was right and they were wrong. You know, uphold the truths of strong theology and all that. We'll come back to that one.
Jesus and Christianity come up pretty much daily. For better or for worse Jesus (or at least his historical existence) is everywhere. Every time I hear something about Christians, or Christian influence -just about anything that Christianity had a part in- I pretty much want to disappear. My heart beats a bit, I race for answers to questions that will probably never be asked of me. I feel like if I don't stand up and defend Christianity every time it's backed into the corner, I'm failing. We'll come back to that one as well.
I think I know everything. Don't worry, I know that's not a good thing. I have some loving patient friends who remind me of that. I'm going to have a hard time just loving people while being in an educational environment. I can get so caught up on the discussion or the idea and what I think is right that I ignore where the other person is coming from and how I can better show them Jesus (not just what I think about the Sumerian writing's impact [or lack thereof] on the Old Testament). I'd joyously just ask for humility, but I know getting there sucks; so I usually just offhandedly mention it once and a while.
I gotta go to class. I'll touch more on those other paragraphs individually at a later date.
P.S. I'm not sure I'll ever be cured of procrastination.
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