Beginning to Processing What Shouldn't Happen

It started with a sound. Kind of like someone slipping and falling sort of thud... no that's not it. Maybe more like a sturdy shelf, with nothing on it, falling over. Another sound, mom yelling for dad. Not like an urgent yell. It was more like most the yells accross the house when we are to lazy to walk to the other side. Hmm maybe dad did slip in the shower, ah he's fine. No reply, another yell from mom followed by a knock... no reply. Some swimmer is finishing the 200m medly on tv, making what's happening in the back somewhat faint mumbles echoed through the bathroom. A seeming eternity of silence passes as I wait paralyzed for what I know is coming... I never want to hear mom yell for her sons like that again. Jordan heard that yell. Adrenaline took over my heart faded off to somewhere, I'm not sure it has come back yet. I didn't touch him I just saw him laying there in the bathtub motionless, unconcious. I'm not supposed to see my dad lying unconcious in the bathtub. I'm not supposed to wonder if my Father is dead.



About a million things went through my head, thankfully thoughts number two and three were "don't move him in case of a broken neck" "Call 911." Number one wasn't much of a though, more of a reaction that was one of those screams that comes out as a faltering panic voiced "dad wake up" I spit out information to dispatch. Somewhere inbetween the sprint to the kitchen phone and the confused conversation back to the bathroom dad woke up. Relief... sort of. I'm not supposed to see red and blue lights shooting through the windows of my childhood home.



The EMT's checked him out, there was nothing that they could find.... nothing that they could find. He went into the hospital. There was nothing that they could find, nothing that they could find. I'm not supposed to see my dad hooked up to monitors in the ER.



On the way home Dad passed out again. He's stubborn, he told mom to take him home.

I woke up the next morning to mom talking about Dad passing out again in the bed. I laid there begging myself to fall asleep. This isn't happening, my dad is fine. I gave myself a headache trying too hard. I took a shower and put on the clothes I shouldn't have had to wear for the next 24 hours.

Mom called from Dad's checkup. He passed out again, this time with ceasures. I told Jordan I was driving, I had to or else I would go crazy. He graciously greased my palm with the keys. I tried thinking of driving laws I could break and get away with due to the situation. I tried to think about what it might be that was causing Jordan's breaks to shudder; anything other than what shouldn't be happening and was.

Mom was in the emergency room halfway through a conversation, saying something about his heart. Somewhere in the same sentence as heart I heard the word stopped. So did mine. She didn't seem panicked so I assumed his heart started beating again. So did mine.

I got to see dad, he was concious but on some medication to keep his heart going that made him drowsy. My dad's heart shouldn't stop. It's supposed to work fine.

Albany doesn't have a cardiologist so they decided to take him to Corvallis. Someone said something about ICU. My dad shouldn't have to go to ICU.

I'm tired. I slept in the waiting room last night. Slept is a relative term. I shouldn't have to sleep in waiting rooms. I'm gonna take a nap. Hopefully I'll get the rest of this out in the next day or so. Thank you everyone who prayed. And thank you for everyone who let me update them and attempted to offer meaningful words. The words were meaningful, but the fact that you were there to give me a source of distraction was immensly more precious.