Why Kindness Matters

If you are a Jerk, I'm more likely to think you are also an idiot.

It doesn't really matter if you are right or not. You might have arguments that would convince Hannibal Lecter to go Vegan. But if you give off that vibe that you are far superior to those around you, and that no one else has anything worthwhile to say, I probably won't feel like listening.

All the knowledge in the world is useless if it cannot be communicated effectively and cordially.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Too Much to Do On My Own

Prayer is really important. It's not just a little thing we should do before meals, or a meditation tool we use to align our inner self; it is talking with God. It's something I don't do enough.

I've been praying more lately (lately meaning yesterday), not just the little talk to God here and there thing, but setting aside a chunk of time to pray about a lot of different things. It's a bit humbling. I'm starting to realize I didn't think prayer was that important before. In my head I had thoughts like, "Oh yes more prayer is better," but I saw it as something that had more to do with relationship than anything else. I realized this week that there is a lot in my life and the lives of those around me that God wants to change, and for whatever reason He waits on us to do something about it. As I've realized all there is to do, I've also realized I don't really have what it takes to get things done, and here I'm reminded that I am small, God is big, and prayer is important.

I took some time to pray yesterday.

"Oh dang maybe I should get that definitions glossary done for class."

"I think I got an email on my phone."

"I should do some reading for my Literary Criticism class."

"What about running to the insurance office to sign that policy."

I had a thought every five minutes. It's going to take some time to turn my mindset around.

Finding the Line

I want to be honest with you, but because I care about you and what you think. I won't.

I'm trying to decide if that line means I love people enough that I don't want to disappoint them, or if I'm trying to maintain an image. I find myself in tension, I want to be completely honest with who I am, but I know that the words I say affect more than just my own life.

Derek Webb, previously a member of Sonic Flood, said the best thing that can happen to us is that all our sins are broadcast on the 5pm news. I'm thinking of leaking information and getting it over with.

I don't feel like I am hiding. I feel like I'm told to be quiet. The question is, is that God, me, or those around me saying that? The answer is important, and as a writer and musician the answer affects most of what I do.

I'm looking for feedback (either via the blog or facebook) on this one. I'm hoping for a bit of disagreement, I want to consider all aspects of this.

Thoughts?

Existential Verification.

The proof is in the pudding.

I follow Jesus. A real person, past and present, who claimed he was God in way clearly understandable to his Jewish audience. He then invited people to leave behind their personal ambitions, and at times their wealth, in order to listen to what he said about life and reality and God, and to tell others what he said.

So here I am 2000 or so years later. I believe him.

Why?

I did grow up in a Christian home, which means one of two things. 1) I just inherited my parents views (or at least some of them) which are constructs and superstitious malarky or 2) I learned something true from my parents, and others, that I have accepted as truth and have embraced.

Either way I have tried to form my life around those views, those things which I believe are true, and have looked at the world with the assumption that the words in the Bible are God's word to us, and that Jesus is who he says he is, God incarnate... many implications follow.

It has been several years since I have decided for myself, to follow Jesus, to believe him, to submit my life to him. What have been the results?

Following Jesus isn't about me (at least it's not supposed to be), it's about him, but if the Bible is true, and Jesus is really God, then the things he said should also be true right?

"I have come that you may have life, and life to the full..."

-Over the past few years I have lived in various states of wealth, friendship, comfort, and emotion. During that time, I can easily mark parts of my life where I was trying (and still often try) to get something I want: sex, money, people's attention, recognition.... During those times, whether short lived or an extended amount of time, even if I got what I wanted, it felt like the morning after one emotional beer too many, I had reached my goal, but it had failed to deliver lasting result, it had let me down.

-I went to Ireland a couple of years ago, it was fun, but at the same time miserable. I liked a girl who didn't like me back, though she was a very kind and good friend. It was fairly petty, I was pouting about the whole deal. In the context of life it was small and insignificant, but in the moment huge. We went to this Island in Scotland, I sat down on an empty beach and talked to God, then just sat and listened, thinking about the things he says in the Bible, thinking about who he asks me to be. All of the sudden my problem didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that I shared life with Him. I felt like I was who I was supposed to be. Nothing in my circumstance changed, and I didn't learn to meditate and ignore my circumstance, I just sat there at rest, at peace even within them. I felt alive, I could feel every drop of water that hit my feet as the tide came up. This is just one of many times, in larger and smaller situations that have proved to me over and over again that the only lasting peace and life I have ever experienced have come in Jesus.

"Empty Religion Kills..." (my paraphrase.)

Jesus told the religious leaders of the day that they were like white washed tombs with dead men's bones inside. He pointed out that the whole system of worship was set up so that they would be led to relationship with God. If you do any kind of genuine study of the first 3/4 of the Bible (which many Christians largely ignore with the exception of Psalms, Proverbs, and 15 year old boys who giggle at the sexual references of Song of Solomon) you'll see that from the beginning it was about God having relationship with mankind.

-Growing up, and even now, I find structured religion (even Christian) largely frustrating, it feels heavy and stifling. Not because I want to go out and get smashed and Christians tell me not to, it is more because I would rather sit down and talk about life and God, and what he says rather than sit through another Bible study where no one says anything. I don't find a messy church, or messy people as an argument against the validity of what Jesus said, because Jesus (nor scripture) didn't lay out the church structure we have today, people did. I don't think God cares as much about the structure, for or against, so much as he cares about the beating hearts inside of it.

When I do religious things that are formalities, or organized events where I move through some religious motions (emphasis on my nonchalant nature) it drains me, it feels pointless and stupid.

People attending a church and saying it "didn't do anything for them" are backing up what Jesus said, if you are into religion, it's going to leave you empty and yield nothing but sporadic emotional responses to good music or some self inspiring message. When I gather with other followers of Jesus I want to hear, talk about, and honor Jesus, not here about an inspirational message from Tony Robbins. I don't like religion, I absolutely love relationship with Jesus.

These things are evidences of an assumption. And I'm sure that anyone could say things like, "Well you are just experiencing normal human reactions to religious experiences. Or maybe your set of assumptions have worked for you to help you cope with life." Maybe they would even say that of course I can get through life fine, it has been comparatively easy.

While I continue to experience, and talk to others who experience, that everything in scripture is applicable to life and everyday living, in North America, The Middle East, Central Africa, and Asia, that following Jesus is relavent across culture and time. Behind my assumptions are many more evidences that I could not express in several paragraphs (or several years of a blog), but in the end it has come down to faith, that Jesus has sought me out, and called me to follow him, which I have decided to do. A decision I have never regretted since.

Hello My Name is Jason, I am Addicted to Cynicism.

That title weak. Using an AA staple? Cliche'

That would be my response if I weren't the one who wrote it. Now that I think about it, that was my gut reaction. I tend to be critical.

Classes began at Grace College today. I am currently between classes. Getting ready for another series of skeptical thoughts, looking for the things I disagree with. It's really a depressing way to live. When you look at life with a slanted eye, you will find what you are looking for. In reality everything is tainted, people do say things incorrectly, they will contradict themselves, they will live out their humanity.

I don't want to be an ignorant optimist, but I'm weary of telling people in my imagination that they are wrong. It never really changes anything, and makes it hard to listen to unpolished music (including my own). It does however have its upsides. If I am critical of something, I don't have to involve myself with it. I can feel free to dismiss myself as responsible to interact with it, because it's incorrect. If someone's worldview is tainted, I can dismiss it entirely. If someone is a little 'off', then everything they say is by default incorrect. It really simplifies life. Free's you from committing to anything substantial.

So here's to cynicism. May it die a horrible death.

Conflict is Like Shrapnel

I'm dealing with a bit of conflict right now. Two people that I get along with, are increasingly frustrated with each other. So I thought I would share the things I've learned about conflict.

People often forget why they started fighting. In this case I think the presence of conflict has only created more conflict. They have fought so they fight again. For new reasons for sure, but I have had similar disagreements with each of them and found things going well. Which brings me to my next point.

There must be a foundation of trust before rebuke can be given. I'm sure there are exceptions for this, but I believe that actual trust (not just proclaimed) must be present before deep conflict can be resolved. I had a friend that I fought with for several months in high school, we eventually resolved the conflict, but only because we put up with each other for those several months. We didn't walk away. If the priority is to remain in relationship until the situation is resolved, each side will learn to trust that the other side is not leaving, and not simply trying to get away from the other. At this point vulnerability and reconciliation can begin.

Jesus said that people will know we are his followers by our love for each other, not by our doctrinal purity and 'rightness.' I'm not saying that truth doesn't matter. Jesus is God, and the fact that he died and rose again and is still alive and active is foundational to my faith. But I don't have to change my views, or compromise my faith in order to love someone, and to offer them the hand of friendship. Jesus said that it's easy to love people we agree with and get along with, being a little crazier than that he tells us to love people who drive us batty. My impulses to be deemed 'correct' fade the more my confidence is in Jesus. I know what I believe, I feel at peace with my maker, and he asks me to love my enemies (even doctrinal enemies). I don't need someone I don't like to validate my beliefs. The world has seen plenty of zeal for doctrine by christians, why don't we match it with our zeal for loving others.

The end of conflict almost always ends with each side humbling themselves in some way. Notice I said humbling themselves. We are not God, we cannot humble others in their heart, we can only beat them into submission. As evidenced by every oppressed minority in history, this only builds resentment and hatred, not resolution of conflict. Jesus said "as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." This requires inward change of self, or rather allowing God to change us and trusting him to change others. As long as our talk is about what the other person should be doing, or how they have hurt you, resolution will not be reached. There is a place for venting, but once we let it out we leave it there for the one who sees it all clearly and knows what to do. (Romans 12:19)

Finally, be careful what you say to others about those you are in conflict with. There are dozens of people who I look at differently because of things that people have said about them. I'm sure I have done the same. It is easy to attack people when they aren't present to defend themselves. Just a sentence or two can damage trust between others. Christians really like this. If they aren't present we can frame things in a way that seem spiritual and justified, and we don't come across as mean or spiteful because we qualify it with things like "they are a really nice person, but they just need to _______." There are times to vent frustrations and ask for advice, but be careful with your motives and exactly how much information you need to share. When in doubt keep your mouth shut.

I want to say that all of the thoughts and warnings above are things I continually stumble through. This is as much of a word to me as it is to those around me. How I have handled conflict has been despicable, especially when I claim to follow Jesus, who said "You shall love the Lord your God.. and you shall love your neighbor as yourself. All of the Law and the prophets is summed up in this."

Why Not Sinning Is Not the Point

I've been sick. Sitting on a couch in Oregon when I could be hiking, going to the beach, or just walking around for that matter. Instead I've sat around watching countless hours of the History Channel.

My life hasn't been all that sinful lately in the ways it usually is. I've been too tired and incapacitated.

Incapacitated is a good word.

I was talking to a friend who is going through a lot right now. His sin is weighing on him. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. Sometimes we wonder whether he can ever beat it or not. Sometimes I think that beating it isn't the point.

My friend and I have been in the same place lately. Distant from God. Whether it was by running away or just getting distracted, it has the same result.

I think there are a lot of people who have decided to follow Jesus that are pretty focused on not doing the sinful stuff. I appreciate the passion, but I think a lot of people think of Christians as people who are trying not to do certain things as opposed to being people who are in love with Jesus. There's a fundamental difference.

There are a lot of polite people who are pretty moral. God has worked his character into everyone, so it doesn't surprise me much. But Jesus asks people to follow him, have relationship with him. If God wanted polite, moral people, he would have sent more rules, not his Son.