Shame Looks Like Polite Behavior

I've been pulled over nine times, for lots of reasons. I've only received two tickets, both of those for speeding. The first ticket was twenty days after I got my license, as I was driving to basketball practice. I was running late, and my alarm that morning was literally a half dead chicken being chewed on by our dog outside the window. I was distracted, and frustrated, and running late for JV basketball practice. In high school you don't show up late for practice, it hurts your chances of getting on the varsity team later, and ultimately getting a girlfriend. I was speeding, I got a ticket.

When you've been pulled over that many times with so few tickets to show for it, you start to think of cops differently. You'd think I would be fearless and feel invincible. It's quite the opposite actually. I could be staring at my speedometer, going 55, hands on 10 and 2, and I'll feel a fear come over me when a cop drives by. I just know he's going to get me for something. He and all his cop friends from across the country are having a discussion over donuts every morning about how they regretted letting me off all those times, and how they are going to get me one of these days.

Shame feels like that, this looming feeling that I'm going to get it someday, somehow someone will see that time.... even now I am thinking carefully about what sorts of words I use so I don't tip you off as to what I'm talking about. So here's where I check my speedometer, and put my hands on ten and two so you're none the wiser.